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Shutting Off the Brain to Create Quality WE Time

After our big fight three weeks ago, here’s a progress report on my finding “re-alignment” with my husband. This week it’s about shutting off the brain to create quality WE Time!

Video Transcript

Hello and welcome to the weekly log!

Last time I talked about the disagreement my husband and I had over the amount of time I’d been spending on For Love And Business. I said we hadn’t been “in alignment”; but really this was a good ol’ fashioned marital spat.

I’d promised you an update, so here we go!

Now even though I’d described a step-by-step process, which I had taken to deal with the fight that we’d just had – that was just the first part.

There have been lots of forehead-slapping “ah-ha” moments since, most of which don’t fit into a tidy, step-by-step process.

One tough realization was accepting that, as much as Heinz hurt my feelings when he said I hadn’t been walking my talk (telling people to make time for “WE Time” and so on – and I hadn’t been doing it), he was RIGHT.

Now I consider myself pretty tough, and what I hadn’t expected was what this did to me on this inside.

It actually stopped me dead in my tracks.

For two weeks, I could hardly do any work! This happened just before the Canada Day long weekend. So I had “an excuse” – it was a long weekend, and it was super-hot. And lots of people were off too.

I retreated for a couple of weeks. We didn’t have any social commitments, so we enjoyed just being at home. We focused on each other, went swimming, cooked together.

All along, inside, I was nursing the question: “how do I devote time to my business, and be really present with my husband?”

Because, you see, when I am working, I have a really hard time to shut off my brain even when I am no longer in front of the computer. I continually mull over stuff. I keep my day book nearby and continually write things in it – ideas for blogs, events, whatever.

The problem was, when I was doing that, Heinz knew I wasn’t “present.” With him, in the moment. My mind was elsewhere.

And I wasn’t honouring Heinz’s preferred Language of Love, which is Quality Time.

I’ve talked about the Languages of Love on one of my Facebook Lives before. It’s a brilliant concept by Dr. Gary Chapman, and I’ve found it very useful in my work with my Mastermind Groups and recently in our Bootcamp.

We’ll talk about the Languages of Love in another vlog – for now I will just post the link for those of you who want to check it out.

But suffice it to say that for my husband, to feel loved and appreciated, he needs undivided attention.  This by the way, is not my preferred language of love – mine is Words Affirmation. So I didn’t clue in that I was not being fully present with him. That had been going on for a while, which is why he got frustrated and told me about it in the way he did.

Shutting off the brain to create quality WE Time

To create Quality Time with Heinz I had to figure out a way to “shut off my brain” and to really focus on our time together.

Because we work from home, my solution was to get away from what continually reminds me of work. We started to plan outings and do stuff AWAY from the house, together. It’s been ideal because summertime offers so many possibilities to do things that are fun, active and take my mind away from business.

So far we have gone trail-biking, kayaking, attended a couple of outdoor concerts and a play at the community theatre.

The point was just for us to be away, doing something together, especially something where I couldn’t be tempted to check my phone.

This gave my brain a break and helped Heinz feel valued because we were spending quality time together. And stepping away has given me a fresh perspective on my work!

So that is my practical, from the trenches advice for you today: if you find yourself unable to shut off your brain, do something that takes you completely AWAY from your work environment physically. Hopefully doing something physical, maybe something you’ve never done before, so both your brain and your body are engaged.

If someone you love values quality time with you, this will have the added bonus of making them feel extra special, and you might even find yourself feeling invigorated and inspired when you do get back to work.

I hope you found this progress report on our “re-alignment” to be enlightening. And before you think it’s been me doing all the work, I’ll be filling you in on a few other ah-ha’s over the next few weeks.

Because when you’re trying to balance love and business, it really is never DONE, once and for all. It’s a journey.

As always, chime in with a comment or question – I always love to read your thoughts.

Thanks for watching. Until next week, make it a great one!

Yours for love and business,

Doreen's signature in blue


Featured Image Photo Credit: Maranatha Pizar, Unsplash.com

2 thoughts on “Shutting Off the Brain to Create Quality WE Time

  • Great V-Log Doreen. Although I am not running my own business, I do manage a business for an owner. My brain always seems to be ON regarding this business. In find myself checking my phone for messages from my staff and following up with them or my boss. This was certainly consuming a lot of my time, and interfering with the “we” quality time between my husband and myself. Greg would sometimes complain of similar things that Heinz was pointing out and said that I was not fully engaging with him and not giving him my full attention. After careful consideration, I had to agree that Greg was correct. I guess we don’t have to run a business to get caught up in a similar situation like this. This is why I enjoy listen to your V-Logs and advice. Wonderful Food for thought on many different levels.
    Thank you for your insight Doreen.
    I Look forward to your next informative V-log.
    Have a lovely day…….Sharon.

    • You are right that we don’t have to be an owner to have business interfere with our private life! Great observation there, and I’m glad you sorted it out with Greg! Check out the Love Languages too!

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